


Crush: for those who didn't give up on love

by Kiiesaa



Series: Let's Celebrate Love [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Inspired by Jollibee's Valentine Series lol, M/M, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 09:46:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10533942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiiesaa/pseuds/Kiiesaa
Summary: It was a natural thing to fall inlove- but it didn't mean that Jeno wasn't going to have a hard time if he did.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this burger place in our country released the most amazing valentine's series for hearts day and it was awesome! (Shoutout to Jollibee lol) planned on writing oneshots for all three stories (crush, vow and date) with different pairings for each one (if i can huhu) Made a lot of changes from the original plot (and those were true stories) so this is basically fiction and made up but the thought is still there (hopefully)
> 
> clearly unbeta'd but decided to publish it anyway cause imissnanahuhuuhu
> 
> I know that Valentine's Day was two months ago orz and this is really, really late But oh well better late than never lol enjoyyyyyyy

Jeno was having a really,  _really_  bad day.

He was tired, fatigued and weary, and even the sweet aroma of caffeine couldn’t fix his rather dysfunctional consciousness. He was late for his first class since he over slept. Apparently, his best friend, Donghyuck, had left early and since they share an apartment together, the latter forgot to wake him up. Renjun, their other roommate, was working on a project at his friend’s house so he wasn’t able to come back home.

As Jeno was running to his classroom, silently praying that he could still make it on time so he could avoid a scolding from their scary professor, he dumped into someone unintentionally, hitting the said stranger by the shoulder as he passed by. Jeno quickly turned to the other, spun his body around and apologized sincerely, his eyeglasses falling slightly from the bridge of his nose before he pushed it back. Both their eyes met briefly and the contact made Jeno’s breath get caught at the back of his throat. The other seemed to be chewing on something, a hamburger wrapper on his hand. The guy hastily swallowed the food he had in his mouth to respond and offered Jeno a friendly smile before he shook his head, and said that it was alright, that it was an accident. His smile was mesmerizing; Jeno couldn’t stop gawking at soft honey hue orbs that bore onto his. But the thought of his next class came to mind, he hurriedly took his leave and went to his classroom without looking back— if he wasn’t in a hurry, he would have stayed.

 

_November 9, 2016_

_I accidentally bumped into someone today. It was weird. It was the first time I’ve saw him ever since the start of the semester. I left in a hurry so I wasn’t able to get his name. Who was that?_

 

 

Jeno, Renjun and Donghyuck have been friends for a long time, longer than any of them could remember, so Jeno knew both of them very well. They were best friends and Jeno was well aware that Donghyuck had this bad habit of being tardy and forgetting important meetings; sometimes Jeno questions why they were even friends, why he even bothered keeping up with him in the first place. Good thing they had Renjun. The oldest of the three was the only one keeping them sane; he neutralizes them both.

He and Donghyuck had a project for a mutual minor class of theirs and were assigned to be partners. Although being in different degree programs, they adjusted their schedules accordingly and decided to meet up at a fast food chain to discuss their plans that afternoon. And of course, Donghyuck was nowhere to be found when the time they agreed on passed by. Although flooding the younger with countless of texts, all Jeno received in return was a simple message stating that Donghyuck was with Mark, his boyfriend, and will be there in a second. Not even a single apology or emoji, typical.

Jeno stuffed his phone back into his pockets and sighed deeply. To kill some time while he waited for the younger to arrive, the latter decided to order something at the counter, to fill his empty stomach. He had been engrossed with revising his notes earlier that he hadn’t fathom that he hadn’t eaten anything.

Carrying his tray, he scanned around the vicinity, searching for a vacant seat to sit on. And then, he saw him _. Again._

The familiar looking boy was by himself, on one table meant for two, his bag sat across him. He had his head hang low, eyes fixated on a notebook on the table— he was probably studying. From the looks of it, he was already on his second burger when Jeno passed behind him, burger wrappers crumpled messily on the side of his tray. The latter couldn’t help a breathy chuckle that escaped his lips when he saw the other. He was really cute; cheeks full of food while his eyes screamed concentration.

 

_November 11, 2016_

_I saw that boy again today. He was by himself. Honestly, he looked cute while munching happily on that hamburger. This is the second time I’ve seen him with a burger. Does he really like burgers that much?_

 

 

 

“What is it?” Renjun suddenly asked when he noticed Jeno had his head turned to the side, eyes focused on somewhere. Their classes had just finished and they were walking home. Renjun was in the middle of talking about their homework, carefully laying out a plan on how they’ll get started on it when they get home. At the lack of response when Renjun asked him if was alright with the idea did the Chinese male only realized that Jeno’s attention was elsewhere the whole time.

The latter straightened himself up and shook his head, not looking straight into Renjun, clearly evading contact, gripping tightly onto the strap on his backpack. “Nothing?”

They had just passed by at the burger joint, and a certain boy with soft brown locks and a blinding smile who was sitting close to the window caught Jeno’s eyes.

 

_November 14, 2016_

_Okay, so maybe he really does like burgers more than I thought._

 

 

 

“Jeno-ah, are you even listening to me?” Renjun had asked Jeno the same question for the nth time that day already. They were at the library, seating in front of the other, notebooks scattered on the table with several borrowed books on the side. They were working on their homework yet Jeno seemed unfocused, his attention was divided and he looked like he was day dreaming from the way his eyes sparkle uncharacteristically.

Renjun’s voice reeled him back into reality, Jeno blinked cluelessly as he snapped out of his trance. “What did you say?” he asked. The older was frowning at him and Jeno felt somewhat apologetic for causing it. Jeno was in a daze, the thought of fast food chains and greasy burgers seemed to have filled his mind yet again.

 

_November 15, 2016_

_Does he go to that place often?_

 

 

 

“You’re spacing out again,” Renjun whispered softly, meant for Jeno, as he spared the younger a worried glance. Jeno hadn’t said anything the entire time they were together, he was deep in thought, staring into space and Renjun was starting to worry; Jeno was never like this before. Sure, he talks less than most people but never to this extent. The older of the two offered him lunch, to cheer him up somehow— Renjun’s treat— after they were done with their work, to the nearest place they could find that was close to their university; the local burger joint where a certain male that had been able to pique Jeno’s interest for the past few days frequents.

But he wasn’t here today, Jeno thought as he openly scanned the area when they arrived. There was no sign of that particular boy.

“I’m not,” Jeno answered, dismissing the topic as they went to place their orders and searched for vacant seats. Although Jeno was acting slightly defensive, Renjun was quick to catch the smile that graced the younger’s lips as he reached for his hamburger and happily devoured it.

 

_November 16, 2016_

_Every time that I see him on that same table, he gives me the feeling that he’s waiting for someone. Is he?_

 

 

 

“What are you staring at?” it was Donghyuck’s turn to ask. It was their free period, and both boys were at the library, studying. Renjun wasn’t with them, though, the eldest had somewhere to be. Exams were slowly coming up and they’ve been trying to study as early as possible. Renjun hated cramming and that attitude of his seemed to have rubbed off on his two best friends.

“Nothing,” Jeno answered nonchalantly, internally proud of himself for not stuttering with his words. He had got better at lying to his friends lately.

“You’ve been out of it lately. What’s up with you?” Donghyuck’s face scrunched in concern, wondering what was wrong.

“Hey Hyuck, do you know who that is?” Jeno prompted, pointing his pencil to where the boy he had been staring at was, but careful enough so that he wouldn’t be seen.

The younger slightly turned to look at where Jeno’s gaze was before he returned back to him. “Jaemin? Na Jaemin?”

“So you do know him?” Jeno asked.

“We have a class together. Why?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “Just asking.”

 

_November 18, 2016_

_I was at the library today and I saw him again. Donghyuck was with me and I asked Hyuck if he knew him, and surprisingly, he did. Hyuck told me that his name was and that he was a friend of Mark, Donghyuck’s boyfriend, too._

 

 

 

“There you go again,” Donghyuck rolled his eyes as Jeno was staring at afar yet again. How many times had this happened lately while they were together? It had turned into a habit of his and Donghyuck actually found the newly discovered routine to be both distracting and annoying at the same time.

“I’m not doing anything,” Jeno replied with furrowed brows, not comprehending the reason behind his best friend’s comment.

“Like story,” Donghyuck scoffed impassively, clicking his tongue. “Renjunnie, Jeno isn’t listening,” he turned to the eldest, looking for someone to be on his side.

“Hyuck, leave him alone.” But instead, Renjun scolded him softly, head still buried deep in a book, not wanting to be disturbed, determined on finishing it until the agonizing mystery was unveiled.

Donghyuck pouted, feeling rejected; it made Jeno chuckle.

 

_November 21, 2016_

_Na Jaemin. It’s perfect somehow. His name really suits him._

 

 

 

“You seem dispirited today. It is about that quiz earlier?” Renjun asked. They were walking home when Renjun suddenly suggested that they make a quick stop to the grocery store to buy some ingredients they could cook dinner with. Their last class was pretty demanding and both were tired, and food just makes everything seem better. They wanted nothing more than to eat and sleep till the next day but no, college always found a way to fuck their lives off.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Renjun queried further, not quite believing the younger.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

_November 24, 2016_

_I haven’t seen him in campus lately. I wonder how he is._

 

 

 

“Donghyuck told me you had your eyes set on Na Jaemin,” Mark coolly asserted when he magically appeared in front of Jeno at the hallway, the older had his back leaned against the cold metal of Jeno’s locker, arms wrapped around his chest, eyes focused on the younger, and his signature seagull like eyebrows were perked in interest. Both males were waiting for Donghyuck and Renjun to arrive so they could head to the cafeteria and grab some lunch together.

“I-I..” Jeno was sceptical on how to answer back, finding much difficulty in stringing together a coherent sentence that wouldn’t sound too defensive.

“It’s alright, man,” Mark assured, reached a hand and gave Jeno an encouraging pat on the shoulder, before he straightened his body as he caught sight of Donghyuck and Renjun walking towards them. “You don’t have to deny anything.”

 

_November 25, 2016_

_Mark told me what Jaemin has been up to lately. He’s busy. No wonder, I haven’t seen him so much compared before._

 

 

 

“Jeno, concentrate, please,” Renjun reprimanded, his tone was stern and somewhat commanding but it was still gentle to the ears. They were in the middle of preparing for another spontaneous report their professor had mercilessly gave them to present on the next day and both were cramming everything. Renjun was already stressed out, fingers busy running across the keyboard of his laptop, almost at his wit’s end, and Jeno’s mind was drifting away from the task at hand again—it was adding to Renjun’s worries and distress.

Renjun knew for a fact that Jeno had a crush on someone but this was freaking ridiculous. Renjun wasn’t going to let the younger forsake their grades just for someone who he was infatuated with, no way in hell. “We have to get this done before second period. Focus for a second!”

 

_November 28, 2016_

_I hope he’s doing well._

 

 

 

It was early in the morning; about 6 o’clock when Jeno got out of bed and prepared for school. He even woke up before Renjun could. What a miracle.

Although the late November morning breeze was freezing and his body was shivering from the cold, Jeno dropped by at the burger joint to order a cheese hamburger for takeout. When he arrived at campus, he quietly stalked pass the hallway, in search for Jaemin’s locker which he recognized almost instantly. He wasn’t some creepy stalker, okay, mind you.

At first he thought it was a bad idea but now he knew why Donghyuck was very persistent on teaching him who to pick a lock last summer vacation. For emergencies, Jeno remembered Donghyuck saying. Yeah. And this was also definitely an emergency.

After making sure that no one would see what he was about to do— it was a crime to break into someone else’s locker after all— head turning left and right simultaneously to be certain that the coast was clear, he opened the lock with ease. He closed the locker gently after putting the paper bag with a small note inside, not wanting to make a noise and made his way back to his classroom like nothing happened.

It was swift and quick. Jeno hoped that the other will appreciate the small gesture.

 

_November 29, 2016_

_I did something petty today. But I hope it makes him smile somehow._

 

 

 

“What are you doing?” Renjun probed, a hint of irritation in his voice but it was hardly palpable and he did a good job at hiding it since Jeno hadn’t been able to detect anything wrong. Renjun was really smart— he was bound to graduate college with Latin honors—, which is why it was unusual of him to ask Jeno the same question when he already knew what the younger will answer him with.

Jeno was writing something on a notebook, a journal rather. He immediately closed the note when he felt that the older was near, just behind him. Though Jeno knew that Renjun wouldn’t peak— Renjun wasn’t like Donghyuck after all—, Jeno was just being vigilant, wanting to keep those innermost thoughts and feelings he had shamelessly poured onto each page, a secret. “Nothing?”

 

_November 30, 2016_

_I wonder if he’s eating another hamburger right now. Yeah, he probably is._

 

 

 

“You like him, don’t you?” Donghyuck asked straightaway, not beating the bush. It was completely out of the blue, but Jeno saw it coming nonetheless. Donghyuck was too nosy for his own good and his curiosity was getting the best of him. Not waiting for Jeno to answer back, the younger added, “No wonder you asked for his name.”

Jeno made no reply, instead, his focus was solely on the work sheet he had in front of him, wanting to finish it before Renjun blows a fuse again about not being him grade conscious. Renjun’s patience on him was growing thin and he didn’t want to push his luck and risk getting scolded at again.

“Renjun, say something,” Donghyuck urged the other, not liking the fact that Jeno had just ignored his question. “Jeno’s hiding his crushes from us. He never does that before.”

“It’s not our right to pry, Hyuck,” Renjun answered simply, shrugged his shoulder without bothering to spare the younger a glance, hands busy scribbling down his notebook.

“You’re no fun.”

 

_December 6, 2016_

_Donghyuck keeps asking questions about Jaemin, if I like him or what. Honestly, I don’t know how to answer them._

 

They were alone; Jeno and Renjun. Their classes ended early that day and both headed straight back to their apartment. Donghyuck still had his major so they were the only ones there. They both decided to watch a movie to entertain themselves.

“Do you like him?” Renjun asked in an almost hushed voice, as if afraid to scare the younger off with his question, while Jeno was picking out a movie from the vast collection of dvds Donghyuck owned. Renjun was already at the couch, a bowl of popcorn on his lap, not forgetting to leave a space for Jeno beside him. Jeno was unable to come up with a comeback, pretending he didn’t hear the question, he continued on flipping through several disk cases until he pulled out a romantic comedy flick and announced that it’ll be what they will watch.

 

_December 7, 2016_

_Renjun asked me today if I like Jaemin. I’m not really sure. Maybe?_

 

 

 

“I have to tell you something,” was the first thing Mark said when he approached Jeno across the hall, his tone sounded serious and it made Jeno’s lips curl down into a frown, clutching the books he had his arms tightly.

 

_December 8, 2016_

_Mark told me that Jaemin has been going through a lot of trouble with his major lately. Something about his project proposal being rejected and he’s been feeling down about it. That sucks. I hope he’s doing alright._

 

 

 

Donghyuck already gave up trying to get Jeno to listen to him as he was talking while they were at the cafeteria; his efforts would be futile if he did. The older one had caught sight of Na Jaemin when the latter entered the room with his friends in toll, engrossed in a conversation. Jeno hadn’t taken his eyes off him since then, following his every move as they made their way to their usual table besides Jeno’s. Seeing Jaemin smile genuinely as he talked to his friends, without any reservations whatsoever, made Jeno smile unconsciously, too. Jaemin’s smiles were contagious.

Donghyuck ridiculed Jeno for being whipped when he took out his phone and stole of a picture of the love struck fool sitting in front of him. _For blackmail purposes._

_December 9, 2016_

_I’m glad he looks like he’s doing alright. I hope he knows that that there’s someone who will always be rooting for him. I’ll always be here for him._

 

 

 

It was a Saturday. As Jeno was busy tidying up his room, changing his bed sheets, and folding his clothes, out of nowhere, an invisible bulb lighted above his head. A bright idea then came flooding his mind.

_December 10, 2016_

_I don’t know if it’s stupid but I thought of something to cheer Jaemin up somehow. I’ll ask help from the guys about it._

 

 

 

“It’s stupid, dude,” Donghyuck commented after Jeno was done explaining what he wanted to do for Jaemin. The whole idea was cringe-worthy, so cheesy that it made Donghyuck grimace as he turned to Jeno, shaking his head disapprovingly. “I can’t believe you thought of something like that. And I’m being honest here.”

“Well, I for one think it’s cute,” Renjun chimed in which made Donghyuck doubt if he even listened to what Jeno had said or he was just playing favorites again. Renjun really spoiled Jeno too much.

At the elder’s response, it made Jeno smile, his eyes crinkling to form those infamous crescent moons that made girls and guys alike swoon over him for. “Thanks, Renjun. You’re a true friend.”

“And what am I?” Donghyuck asked incredibly, feeling somewhat betrayed yet acting fake hurt.

“Shut up, Hyuckkie.”

 

_December 11, 2016_

_I told my friends about it and Donghyuck thinks my plan is cliché and cheesy. Typical Lee Donghyuck. But Renjun thinks otherwise. He said it’s really sweet and I trust his judgement. I hope Jaemin thinks that way too._

 

 

 

Donghyuck thought it was a horrible idea and even dragged Mark into kept talking Jeno out of it. But Renjun thought it wasn’t half bad so he decided to go with the plan— Renjun was the wisest in their group so Jeno could trust his judgment. The plan was simple; distract Jaemin long enough so Jeno could leave him another burger. Jeno thought of doing the same thing again— just leaving it in his locker— but Jeno wanted this time to be a tiny bit special compared to before. He wanted everything to be special for Jaemin; he deserves something like that once in a while.

Like they had gone over and over again the plan numerous times prior, Renjun passed by Jaemin, who was sitting by himself on a nearby bench, close to their department’s building, and intentionally dropped his books in front of the other. And just like as Jeno had predicted, Jaemon stood up from where he was previously at and helped Renjun picked up his books. As the other was busy assisting Renjun, Jeno passed by and left a burger to where his things were. Attached on top of the wrapper was another small note, a rather simple, _please smile more often_. Then, Jeno left when Renjun did, giving him a hi-five when they crossed paths. Jeno turned back slightly and saw a bright smile plastered on Jaemin’s face when he saw his favorite greasy food besides his bag and notes.

Mission accomplished.

_December 13, 2016_

_He looked happy. I’m glad he liked it._

 

 

 

Donghyuck was the laid back type, he was pretty outgoing and carefree. He liked going with the flow and hated over complicating things, but there were some instances where he was certain that he had to step up and put his foot down. And this vague push-and-pull game that Jeno had going on between him and his very obvious yet obnoxious feelings for Jaemin had been going on for so long; enough was enough.

When Renjun was nowhere in sight, Donghyuck had managed to corner Jeno and straight up told him to confess to Jaemin. “Just man up already,” Donghyuck adviced. “Stop stalling.”

“I can’t,” Jeno muttered, his voice dropping an octave and it made Donghyuck scowl.

_December 14, 2016_

_Donghyuck has been telling me to confess to him. I don’t think I can though. Jaemin will never like me._

 

 

 

After hectic timetables brought about by finals week; days went by quickly, and before they knew it, it was already the last day of classes before Christmas break. Jeno still hadn’t made a move on Jaemin even though Donghyuck already talked to him a few days ago about it. “You’re a coward,” Donghyuck said disappointedly, partnered with a tinge of venom. Renjun curious eyes went back and forth towards the two; he was in between them, clueless as to what they were talking about.

He didn’t have the heart to argue against the accusation, Donghyuck was right after all. “I know,” Jeno replied honestly.

 

_December 19, 2016_

_Donghyuck just won’t stop pestering me about confessing to him- nothing’s gonna change my mind._

 

 

 

Jeno went home for the holidays; spent Christmas with his family. His younger brother, Jisung, wearing his traditional Christmas sweater their mom always knits for them to wear on the occasion, came barging into Jeno’s room without warning, urging the older to come downstairs since dinner was ready and they were waiting for him to join them.

Jeno, eyes deep in a book, engrossed in the material he had set on finishing that night, looked up and met the younger’s eyes. “I’ll be right down,” he said simply. Jisung nodded his head and went back on to the kitchen to help his mother set up the table.

With a rather audible and tired sigh, Jeno slowly closed the book— not forgetting to put a bookmark on the page he stopped at— and placed it neatly on his desk. He threw his head back and leaned against his chair, closing his eyes as he let out another sigh.

Ever since he came home, Jeno had been trying his best to forget him but his efforts were always in vain; albeit he closes his eyes, he still sees him; he really misses Jaemin.

 

_December 25, 2016_

_I hope he’s enjoying the holidays. Christmas seems lonely without him._

 

 

 

Jeno was alone again; had escaped his brother’s nags about joining them in the lawn to light up some fireworks later. Their entire neighbourhood was there. Jeno’s family usually throws parties like this; his dad had already set up the barbeque grill while his mom cooked supper for everyone. Jeno wasn’t used to crowds so he said he’d stay in his room, and will watch the display through the balcony instead, much to Jisung’s dismay. Jeno felt guilt watching his dejected brother’s back as he left his room; Jeno rarely comes home and he seldom plays with Jisung anymore. The younger misses him probably. Jeno made a mental reminder to make it up to the younger tomorrow; they could go to the mall and hang out.

He was standing at the veranda, watching the party happening below. It was lively; everyone seemed to be having fun. His mom had left him food when she came to check up on him, hadn’t bothered persuading Jeno to come down, knowing the younger will most likely decline the offer.

At the struck of midnight, as the loud countdown was done, a fusion of colors lightened the sky. Jeno stood under the stunning shower of colors; it was kaleidoscopic. But one person came to mind; someone who was just as beautiful as the fireworks.

 

_January 1, 2017_

_Happy New Year, Jaemin!_

 

 

 

Usually Jeno would be itching for a break from schoolwork and projects, but the fact that it had been more than a week since he last Jaemin made him want classes to start sooner. Maybe Donghyuck was right, he had gone head over heels for Jaemin.

_January 8, 2017_

_I miss seeing him._

_January 10, 2017_

_I miss hearing his laugh._

_January 13, 2017_

_I miss his smiles._

_January 15, 2017_

_I miss him._

 

 

Finally. The day that Jeno had been waiting for ever since the holiday vacation started has arrived; it was the dawn of another school year. Although scarce, he went to class early, and even managed to wake up before Renjun did and that was saying something. He was excited.

About school? Not really.

About seeing Jaemin again? Definitely.

And it was like as if the odds were in Jeno’s favor; as he made his way to his classroom at the second floor of their department building, someone had already been there before him, occupied the seat on the front, close to the teacher’s table. And surprise, it was no other than Na Jaemin himself.

They were classmates for a subject? Oh yes.

The moment Jeno stepped in the room, it caught Jaemin’s attention, the latter looked up from his phone and stared at him. He wasn’t sure if he was imaging things, but Jaemin’s eyes softened as he saw Jeno. But Jeno was quick to avert his gaze and head on to the farthest part of the room and took a seat there, body slightly hunched.

He had his back turned so he did not witness the dejected frown on Jaemin’s face at the thought of Jeno ignoring his presence and not acknowledging him.

 

_January 18, 2017_

_I messed up. I panicked again. You’re an idiot, Lee Jeno._

 

 

 

“You and I need to discuss something,” Renjun trailed off as he spoke, his voice was strangely lower than usual, and Jeno raised his brows in suspicion when he regarded the older. It had only been about five seconds since the older male cornered him in the kitchen as Jeno was busy cooking their dinner and the latter already doesn’t like where the conversation was headed to. Renjun used his rare ‘we-need-to-talk-and-you-better-not-run-away-from-me’ tone, slightly urgent yet uneasy, and the younger knew that it could only mean one thing, it was bad.

“I don’t like the tone you’re using,” Jeno frowned, yet eyes still downcast and fixated onto the frying pan, not wanting to burn the food up.

“Well, Hyuck has been bugging me nonstop about this,” Renjun started. “He wants me to talk to you.”

“Is this about Jaemin?” he guessed. “Hyuck just doesn’t know when you give up, does he?”

“Jeno, do you like him?” the older questioned without much delay, arms folded in front of his chest. “And don’t you dare lie about it.”

“Yes,” he answered impassively and it shocked Renjun at how serious Jeno sounded.

“Then give it a shot,” the older said after. “Confess. You should do it.”

“I don’t think I can.” Jeno shook his head. “He wouldn’t like me.”

“And you’re being modest? No wonder Donghyuck has had it with you lately,” Renjun chuckled before he went to open the cupboards, in search for some plates that they’ll be using later. “C’mon. You’ll never know unless you try.”

 

_January 23, 2017_

_I think Renjun’s probably right. I should confess._

 

 

 

After having thought about it long and hard, Jeno finally gave in. When Jeno told his best friends that he was finally going to confess, Donghyuck was thrilled. The younger gave him a weak punch in the shoulder as congratulations. Donghyuck had been very supportive about the whole thing. The latter offered to help him out; help him plan everything out so Jaemin wouldn’t have any answer other than yes.

Donghyuck even made a list; chocolates, flowers and a sweet confession that will bring Jaemin to his knees.

And as much as Jeno appreciates the younger’s efforts and persistence, he thought differently. Jeno decided that a burger was enough to suffice as a confession gift, much to Renjun’s humor and Donghyuck’s disappointment. “Who would say yes if you give them a burger?” Donghyuck snorted.

It was cheesy and it would suit them just fine.

_January 25, 2017_

_I’m really gonna do it, huh?_

 

 

Nothing flashy or fancy, Jeno made sure that everything would be simple. Albeit Donghyuck’s constant bid to go with him when he confesses to Jaemin, just to be sure he won’t chicken out on the last minute, Jeno declined and was firm on his stand that he wanted to do it alone. Donghyuck was proud of him, Jeno has finally grown up.

He waited until lunch and went to search for Jaemin around campus. Mark already gave him a hint that Jaemin was hanging out with his friends at the gym so Jeno hurriedly made his way.

Mark was right, Jaemin was really there when Jeno arrived, by the bleachers on the left side on the gym, busy scrolling down on his phone. Jeno smiled instantly that reached his eyes as he saw him. Jaemin looked like he was glowing from afar; he looked perfect just by standing there.

Jeno gathered his courage from the side, took deep breaths to calm his nerves, not wanting to back down when he had already went so far.

It was now or never.

With an uneasy feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach and heavy feet, Jeno took several steps towards where Jaemin was. But as he was about to approach the other, just a few paces away, another guy came out of nowhere and stood in front of him before Jeno could come close. The stranger was wearing a basketball jersey and a small towel loosely hanged around his neck; a guy who Jeno instantly recognized as Moon Bin, their university’s basketball team captain and a senior. At the presence of the other, Jaemin looked up and greeted him with his signature smile that showcased his perfect white teeth. His face brightened by tenfold at the sight of the older which the latter returned with an adorable eye-smile that could most likely rival Jeno’s. The senior then leaned down to give Jaemin a soft peck on the cheek which made the younger blush, and slung an arm around his shoulder endearingly.

Deeming that it was too much and that he had seen enough, not wanting to witness such an interaction between the two any longer, Jeno was quick to turn around and run out of the gym.

_January 26, 2017_

_I had my first heart break today. And the funny thing is, my first love caused it._

 

 

 

“Hey Jeno, don’t be like this,” Renjun said, knocking on Jeno’s door. His knuckles were starting to hurt from the constant banging he had been doing onto the frame and yet Jeno still wouldn’t give in to his pleas. The older had been trying to get the other to come out of his room since last night but it wasn’t working, he had locked his room and refused to come out. “Tell me if something’s wrong, you know you could trust me with anything.”

“Go away,” Jeno’s faint reply came which Renjun almost hadn’t caught. It sounded muffled; he was probably burying his face in his pillow. “I’m fine.”

“Then why are you acting so down?” Renjun glowered as he continued conversing with the younger from outside on his room, his left ear close to the door to properly hear him.

He waited but no answer came after that.

 

_January 27, 2017_

_I never thought it would hurt this much. It really does._

 

 

It took a lot of persuading from Renjun— ‘cause Donghyuck would have punched Jeno in the face if he didn’t— for Jeno to come back to school again. Jeno had already missed a few days’ worth of lectures and called in sick even though he wasn’t. He had been sulking to no end and Renjun wouldn’t allow Jeno to do this to himself. It was stupid beyond reason.

Jeno was still a wreck; a few days lying in bed with cartons of ice cream on hand hadn’t changed his mood at all. He still felt shitty and it was just so awful. He was down and he pitied himself.

But he was trying, trying to keep his mind off of Jaemin, trying to forget, and trying his best on avoiding Jaemin at any cost.

But fate thought otherwise.

“Where are you going?” Donghyuck asked with a frown as he saw Jeno suddenly shooting up to his feet. They were at the cafeteria, having lunch at their usual table. Jeno was acting fine, quiet and kept most to himself, but at least he seemed alright. But as his peripheral vision caught Jaemin, with Bin in toll, walking hand by hand from not too far away, he wanted to cry and run.

“I lost my appetite,” Jeno said before he turned his heel, slung his backpack onto his shoulders and took his leave.

 

_February 4, 2017_

_I keep seeing him with that guy. I hate it. Are they together?_

 

 

 

“I have somewhere to be.” Jeno suddenly asserted, quickly gathering his books in the table he and Renjun were sharing at the library. Although disappointed, Renjun didn’t need to look around to know that Jeno might have probably spotted Jaemin again to make him act this way.

“Jen-” Renjun tried stopping him but Jeno cut him off as the younger fixed his things and stuffed them inside his bag.

“Excuse me,” Jeno said before he left and Renjun was alone again.

_February 7, 2017_

_Why does Jaemin smile like that when he’s with him? Does he love him?_

 

 

 

Renjun couldn’t stand Jeno like this anymore. It has been days yet he still acted the same. He felt guilty seeing the other in this state; so broken and vulnerable. It was partially Renjun’s fault, too; he was the one who urged Jeno to confess to Jaemin in the first place. He needed to fix this before it went out of hand.

Renjun wanted answers and answers he would get.

When he was sure that Donghyuck left for school that afternoon, he fetched the master key to Jeno’s room. He knew that the younger will throw a fit about the sudden lack of decorum but it was less of Renjun’s worries as of now.

Jeno’s room was dark, he hadn’t turn on the lights, the curtains were closed, and the latter was on his bed, back against the headboard, a notebook on his lap and doodling on the blank pages. How he managed to do that amidst the looming darkness was beyond Renjun’s comprehension.

Jeno was shocked when he saw that his door was slightly ajar but when he realized it was just Renjun, awkwardly staring at him from across his bed, he relaxed instantly. Well, Renjun was better than Donghyuck confronting him.

Renjun approached the younger’s bed slowly, almost hesitant and sat on the edge of it. They shared eye contact, and stares were able to relay words and thoughts that words and phrase never could explain. The look Renjun had in his face was all it took for Jeno to take a deep breath, put his notebook and pen on the side and without much words shared, Jeno told him everything.

 

_February 9, 2017_

_I wish I was him._

 

 

 

“Look, Renjun doesn’t say much but I know he doesn’t like you acting like this as well.” After Renjun’s and Jeno’s confrontation, it was Donghyuck’s turn to knock some sense into Jeno’s stubborn head. He dropped his body into Jeno’s bed while the latter was in front of his computer, occupied with some kind of paper and only stopped to look away from the screen as the door to his room opened. Donghyuck rolled onto the elder’s bed like a child, like it was his.

As much as Donghyuck loved his friends, Jeno was hopeless and Renjun dotted on Jeno too much that he was ready to turn a blind eye on him, but Donghyuck wasn’t like that; he was savage and Jeno deserved nothing but the truth.

“Don’t you think you’ve been sulking for too long?” his connotation was stoic and bordered close to a hiss but Jeno knew that Donghyuck was just looking out for him like he usually does. Donghyuck pulled his body up, rested his chin onto the palms on his hands, while his elbows were on the soft mattress as he eyed the older. “We’re worried about you. Ever since you had a crush on Jaemin, you’ve changed drastically.”

Donghyuck and Jeno knew each other almost all their lives and Jeno might be older, but even it was just a tiny bit, he was still protective of Jeno. And Jeno did not deserve any of this.

“What do you suggest should I do then?” Jeno prompted, urging the younger to continue. He needed all the help he could get.

“It’s easy, Jeno. Get over it, for real this time.”

 

_February 11, 2017_

_Donghyuck’s right. I shouldn’t wallow in this forever._

 

 

 

“Wanna go to a club tomorrow?”

Almost dropping his pen onto the floor at the sudden offer, Jeno turned to the older boy sitting on his left, uncertain if he heard him wrong or not. “Renjun, you don’t go clubbing,” Jeno answered through knitted eyebrows. Renjun and clubbing don’t go in the same sentence together, it made no sense.

“It’s not my idea,” Renjun retorted, shrugged calmly. “It was Donghyuck’s. Mark offered to hang out. We thought it would be best for you to get out of the house. In a different environment. To relax for a bit.”

Jeno thought about it for awhile. It seemed unusual to go to a club but his friends were really putting an effort in helping him forget about you-know-who, he didn’t want to be a party-crasher and let them down. They were doing this for him after all. “Sure, I’ll go.”

_February 12, 2017_

_I’ll forget about him._

 

 

 

They went to a nearby night club at Gangnam District like they said they would and Jeno got himself drunk earlier than expected. Jeno never drinks but the need to get Jaemin off his mind has a good enough reason to gulp down all the tequila shot Mark had handed to him. His eyesight was starting to get fuzzy and everything was blurry.

Renjun had low alcohol tolerance so he did not dare touch a single cocktail that night. Good thing he didn’t cause when Jeno couldn’t stand straight anymore and kept stumbling on his feet, Renjun had been kind enough to offer to take Jeno back to their apartment, not wanting to spoil Donghyuck and Mark’s fun since the couple looked like they were enjoying themselves.

With much difficulty and a heavy Jeno slung around his shoulders, Renjun turned the knob of Jeno’s door of his room and ushered them inside.

When his knees hit the side of Jeno’s bed, Renjun lost his balance and both fell into the soft mattress, Renjun’s body was above Jeno’s. The impact woke Jeno up. Their eyes met for a moment and Jeno felt Renjun tensed up at the contact. It was a fusion of colors, of gorgeous hues.

Has Renjun always been this pretty? Jeno thought deeply, tilting his head to the side to see more of him. Renjun was handsome, no doubt, but Jeno never actually stopped and admired him like this before.

Jeno spun them around; he was now on top this time, both legs on either side, pinning him in bed and locked him in place. He stared at the older male below, grazing his features until his sights landed on his soft pinkish lips.

He did not know what had gotten into him, but there was this magnetic pull, urging Jeno to lean down. Time seemed to have slowed down when Jeno’s face was a few centimeters away from Renjun, breath ghosting against the elder’s cheek. He stared at his lips then back to his eyes, searching for any sign of protest. But there wasn’t. Renjun’s face had softened and he had his eyes closed, awaited the younger’s next move in hidden anticipation. Jeno took it as a hint to continue.

The world stood at a standstill when Jeno pressed his lips against the elder’s. It was purely innocent, a gentle brush, both afraid to make sudden movements to spoil the moment. But as the seconds pass by fleetingly, they started to relax and get the hang of it. In no time, the kiss turned passionate, the air in the room felt moist, and the temperature rose unexpectedly.

Caught by the adrenaline rush of having the elder in his grasps, Jeno’s rationality was slowly crumbling down and he was eaten away by the temptation. A faint whisper of Jeno’s name passed Renjun’s lips when Jeno’s hand sneaked inside his shirt, the brief contact between flesh set his skin on fire.

When Renjun’s desperate plea slipped his ears, it was as if a huge red sign appeared before him, telling him to stop, it reeled him back to reality and only then did he realized what he was doing. “I’m sorry!” he said, pushing his body away from the elder, keeping a safe distance between them. Jeno wanted to punch himself. He just took advantage of his best friend, Renjun, of all people!

“Don’t be,” Renjun said, catching his breath, his face was flustered but he tried his best to push himself up and sat on his knees. “If I’m being honest, I sorta liked it.”

It might be the alcohol but Jeno knew he was slightly sober enough to know what the elder’s words meant. “What do you mean?”

Renjun was silent. Face downcast and fixated onto the sheets beneath him.

“Renjun, tell me,” his voice was firm.

The elder looked up and there was something in his eyes that Jeno could not decipher, a raw emotion in them that flickered against the moonlight that sneaked through the windowsill and illuminated the room. “I love you,” Renjun admitted lowly, his body was trembling, afraid of being rejected.

“You what?” He was confused. Was he hearing things? Or was it just the alcohol again? But the look Renjun had made Jeno realize that everything was real, and it wasn’t a dream.

Renjun loved him? When did that happen? They were best friend, never had Jeno imagined that the older harbored feelings for him beyond platonic.

But as he thought about it, the possibility wasn’t actually bleak. They’ve been together all the time, were each other’s rock, it wasn’t impossible.

But why him? “I’m sorry.”

“I told you already, don’t be.” Renjun had a smile on his face, but his eyes were sad and it made Jeno’s chest clench in agony at the thought of inflecting pain onto the elder.

 

_February 13, 2017_

_Yes, I will. I’ll forget about him._

 

 

 

It was Valentine’s Day. Besides Mark and Donghyuck being overly lovey-dovey, nothing about the day seemed special and extra ordinary. Renjun would smile if he saw the interaction but not comment about anything. He was very quiet today.

With everything that had happened that night, Jeno felt relieved that Renjun wasn’t avoiding him. They promised to talk about it, though.

Jeno went on ahead, headed for his next class when a commotion happening in the hall caught his attention. He heard shouting at the almost deserted hallway and turned around to find its source. Jeno was taken aback as the voices came from no other than Jaemin and Bin. The couple were just a few paces away from them, close to the younger’s locker and they seemed to be bickering about something.

Jeno wanted to flee right away, he felt like he was intruding on something and it was disturbing. But the slight raise of timber in Jaemin’s voice as he argued with the basketball captain made him stay glued to the floor. This was the first time Jeno had seen Jaemin so mad.

Jaemin looked like he had enough, turned around and left the older even though Bin held onto his hand, brushed the arm aside and ran away.

Jeno followed him closely from behind. Jaemin looked like he was close to tears when Jeno saw him by the bench.

As he was about to approach the younger, to coax him and made sure he was doing alright, Bin suddenly arrived and enveloped Jaemin in an embrace. The younger melted into the hug, wrapped his arms around Bin, rested his head against the junction that the elder’s shoulder and neck, and sobbed openly, trying to muffle out his cries. Bin rubbed soothing circles around his back, whispering sweet nothings and soft apologies against his ear to get him to stop crying.

It was then did Jeno finally understand that he had lost.

_February 14, 2017_

_I get it now. I hope he’ll always be happy._

 

 

 

They had gone out, to the nearby public playground in their area, late one night. It was Jeno who offered, he needed fresh air, to unwind and relax; he needed to get his thoughts and feelings straight, and going to the park wasn’t such a bad idea.

Renjun was on a swing set and Jeno volunteered to push the ropes for him.

They talked for a bit, in hushed voices, as if they were afraid to break the steady momentum they had going on. Jaemin’s name was never brought up into the conversation and Jeno was really glad it wasn’t. He didn’t need to be reminded of someone else when he was with Renjun right now.

They talked about a lot of things and somehow, “I love you,” Renjun suddenly blurted out, catching Jeno off guard. That was the second time that Renjun said he loved him but it still left Jeno speechless. Maybe it was the spur of the moment or the stillness of the night, Jeno did not know. The latter was irresolute on how to answer, he stopped pushing Renjun, the metal joint attached to the rope creaked audibly as the swing gradually slowed down.

No one added anything after the confession, they both grew silent, unable to think of a way to lessen the tension in the air, and Jeno was restless about the ordeal. He shouldn’t let this go on for much longer. Renjun was someone precious and dear to him, he was his best friend, the person he relied on the most.

Jeno already lost Jaemin, he couldn’t afford to lose Renjun as well. “But I’m in love with Jaemin.”

“I know.”

“I love him, Ren.”

“I know.”

“And it hurts.”

“I know,” Renjun repeated almost impassively like a broken record. “It’s alright, Jeno. I could wait. For you to get over him. It’s no big deal.” If Renjun wasn’t tightly gripping onto the tight knots of the swing’s rope like his life depended on it until his knuckles turned white, Jeno would have been fooled that he was the only one that was nervous about the situation. “I’ve waited for you since we were kids, I could wait a little longer.”

Jeno took a deep breath before he turned his heel, shocking the older at his sudden movement. He circled the swing and approached Renjun, stood in front of him and knelled down until they were at the same height. He nipped the elder’s chin with his hand, slowly caressing until his palm was on his cheek, the older nuzzled into his touch.

Renjun was so perfect, Jeno did not deserve him. But the way the elder made it sound like as if he was still willing to wait for him even though his heart belonged to another.

Was he willing to take a chance?

Jeno leaned forward, rested his forehead against his. Their breaths tangled and came out as smoke from the cold February air. “Mend my broken heart,” he murmured, it sounded almost pleading and desperate. “Help me forget about him.”

The way Renjun’s face brightened, looked at him like he hanged the stars in the sky, made his heart ache, in the nicest way possible. The smile Renjun had plastered on his face when he turned to gape at Jeno was the happiest Jeno has ever seen, it was enough to assure Jeno that he wasn’t going to regret this in the future. “Gladly.”

_February 15, 2017._

_Yeah. I’ll forget, eventually._

 

 

 

 

15 years later, February 14.

 

 

“Jeno-ah, are you listening?”

The mention of his name snapped him into attention, eyes blinking continuously as he turned to the person who had been seating beside him all this time, eyeing him for a while. “What?” he asked, still somewhat in bafflement.

“I’ve been talking to myself all this time? You’re at a daze again,” Jaemin chuckled, amused by the elder’s cluelessness. “You really need to stop doing that.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just tired,” Jeno answered wearily before he slumped down to his seat, back leaned against his chair as he massaged the bridge of his nose; he feels a head ache was about to form. Well, having countLess of sleepless nights were about to result into something. Their firm sponsored a charity event and Jeno was tasked to be the organizer. The job had taken its toll on him. He was dead tired. It was a big event and being the meticulous person that he was, Jeno wanted everything to go smoothly and without fail. So even if he had to sacrifice both sleep and coming home just to make it happen, so be it.

“Take a breather,” Jaemin said sympathetically as he stood up. “I have medicine in the car, I’ll get it for you. It’ll help you somehow.”

“Thanks, Nana,” the older said with a smile, eyes crinkling up into those crescent like-moons Jaemin has grown to love. A wave of nostalgia hit Jeno as he stared at the younger’s retreating back.

Jaemin had been his constant cheerleader when the going gets rough; the younger will always be there to help him out whenever he needed it.

No matter how much he wanted to run away from Jaemin, to evict him from his life, it was just impossible, Jaemin always found a way to come back, there was no escaping him no matter how hard Jeno tried. When they graduated from college, they miraculously landed a job at the same company and had been colleagues for years; it was fate, destiny foretold by the stars that they meant to be together, side by side.

Left by himself on the table, Jeno continued massaging his temples in circles, trying to ease away the pain somehow.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” a familiar voice then came from behind him. Jeno immediately spun around to meet the newly arrived guest’s eyes and that sweet smile that melts his problems away. “I had to wait for the baby sitter to arrive. Chenle won’t stop crying,” the other said as he settled down to sit beside him. “I saw Jaemin when I came in. Hey, are you alright? Are you sick?” concern laced through his tone and he neared Jeno, hand caressed his forehead gently, checking his temperature. “Do you need to be taken to the hospital or anything?”

The gentle gesture made Jeno smile; he took the other’s hand in his and brought it to his lap. “It’s alright. I’m just glad you came. I feel so much better now.”

“Smooth Jeno,” Renjun chuckled, intertwined their fingers. “Lele keeps asking for you,” Renjun gushes. “You’ve been busy lately so he misses his dad.”

“Why would he miss me when his father is there to take care of him?”

“It’s not the same without you,” Renjun said, full of affection and endearment.

But surprisingly, Jeno did get over Jaemin eventually.

After that whole ordeal with Bin and Jaemin, Jeno realized that some things were just not meant to be.

Loving Jaemin was a happy memory; a memory he honestly did not want to forget. What he felt was pure and real and it did not matter that things hadn’t worked out for them in the end.

And if it hadn’t happened, Jeno would have never realized that Renjun had been there all along. Jeno loved Renjun just the same; more than Jaemin.

“Pardon me for the intrusion, Mister Lee, but the chairman wants to see you,” Jeno’s secretary chimed in when she approached their table, bowing respectfully to the two. “He said it was important.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Jeno said, smiling at her before she left.

“Take it easy,” Renjun teased as Jeno stood up and slowly let go of his hand. “I’ll be waiting right here.”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back,” he stood up, straightened his coat and tie, making sure they weren’t askew. But Renjun swapped his hand away softly and fixed it for him when he shot to his feet. Jeno chuckled as Renjun nagged but without much bite about his clothes being a mess. The cute scowl he had on his face was priceless that Jeno leaned down marginally to give his husband a chaste peck on the cheek. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.” Jeno whispered when his lips were close to Renjun’s ear. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”


End file.
